For me, coaching boys lacrosse isn’t just about drills, goals, and winning games. It’s about something much deeper. I coach boys lacrosse because I believe it’s one of the most powerful ways to reach boys where they are — and help them become who they’re meant to be.

There’s this old script boys are still being handed: don’t cry, don’t talk about your feelings, just punch a wall, eat some snacks, and move on. I’ve seen it too many times. But I also know this script is outdated and harmful, and I’m doing what I can to rewrite it.

Through my years coaching on the lacrosse field, I’ve learned that boys are navigating an emotional drought. They’re not broken — they’re just missing the tools and space to express what’s going on inside. Here’s what I’ve discovered.

Boys Have Feelings — They Just Hide Them

Picture a 12-year-old boy standing on the sidelines, quiet, seemingly fine. Inside? He’s a volcano in khaki shorts. The pressure builds, but no one sees it because he’s been taught to “man up.” I’ve learned that when a boy says “whatever,” he’s often trying to say, “I’m hurt,” but doesn’t have the words — or the permission — to say so.

Anger Is a Mask

I’ve seen boys stomp off after a missed shot, slam their helmets, or lash out over something small. But I know that behind that anger, there’s usually sadness or fear. Anger is one of the only emotions boys are taught is okay. I try to look beyond the explosion and gently ask, “What’s really going on?”

Tough Love Isn’t Always Love

Structure matters, but so does softness. I don’t believe in yelling kids into being “strong.” That just teaches them to shut down. Instead, I try to be a coach who brings both firmness and kindness, like a mentor who shows up with encouragement, patience, and maybe even some cookies.

Boys Need Words, Not Just Stats

Some of my players can name every NCAA team, but can’t tell you when they’re feeling sad. That’s a problem. I work with boys on building emotional vocabulary — because being able to say “I’m nervous” or “I feel left out” is just as important as being able to pass or shoot.

Connection Beats Correction

When a boy’s having a hard time, my first move isn’t discipline — it’s presence. I sit beside him. I listen. I let him know it’s okay to feel what he’s feeling. That kind of connection is what helps boys grow, not lectures or punishments.

Parents and Coaches Can Be Louder Than Culture

Boys are bombarded with messages telling them to be tough, distant, and invincible. But we — parents, coaches, teachers — can be louder. We can show them what it looks like to be open, kind, and emotionally honest.

Every Boy Deserves to Be Fully Human

The goal isn’t to fix boys — it’s to give them space to be whole. That includes the tears, the joy, the questions, and the heartbreak. Coaching lacrosse lets me witness boys discovering that being sensitive doesn’t make them weak — it makes them real.

That’s why I coach boys lacrosse. Not just to win games, but to help build good men.