“The more money parents pay, the more invested they feel, the crazier they get, the more likely their kids burn out.”

That is the opening idea behind a powerful reflection on youth sports from Brad Stulberg and The Way of Excellence. And after coaching lacrosse for nearly three decades, I can tell you there is a lot of truth in it.

The more youth sports has become an industry, the easier it has become for adults to lose sight of why kids started playing in the first place.

We spend more money. We travel farther. We join more teams. We hire more trainers. We chase rankings, championships, recruiting exposure, and scholarships that may never come.

And sometimes, without even realizing it, the game stops belonging to the kid.

It starts belonging to the adults.

The Best of Youth Sports

But youth sports can also be excellent.

In fact, when we get it right, youth sports can be one of the best environments a young person will ever experience.

As a coach, I get the opportunity to teach more than lacrosse.

• I get to teach character.
• I get to teach winning.
• I get to teach losing.
• I get to teach effort.
• I get to teach teamwork.
• I get to teach accountability.
• I get to teach how to respond to adversity.

Most importantly, I get to help young athletes learn something that will matter long after their playing days are over:

You can take on a challenge, struggle, fail, learn, improve, and come back stronger.

That is a life skill.

Lacrosse is simply one of the classrooms where we can teach it.

The Goal Is Not to Win a 10U Championship

I love to compete. I want our teams to win. I want our players to experience the satisfaction that comes from preparing, competing, and accomplishing something difficult together.

Winning matters.

But winning a 10U championship is not the ultimate goal of youth sports.

The goal is to help young athletes develop a relationship with competition and growth that will serve them for the rest of their lives.

The real goals should be bigger:

• Have fun.
• Learn.
• Develop skills.
• Build confidence.
• Develop a growth mindset.
• Make friends.
• Learn how to be part of something bigger than yourself.
• Learn how to handle success without arrogance.
• Learn how to handle failure without quitting.
• Want to come back and play again next year.

That last one matters more than we sometimes realize.

If a child has spent an entire season being yelled at, pressured, over-scheduled, and constantly reminded about how much money and time adults have invested in them, why would they want to come back?

We should regularly check what we are doing against a simple question:

Is this helping the athlete enjoy the game, grow as a player, and develop as a person?

If the answer is no, then it may be time for the adults to adjust.

Coaches: Check Your Ego

As coaches, we have to ask ourselves a difficult question.

Why are we doing this?

Are we coaching because we love the game and genuinely want to help kids?

Or are we coaching to feed our own ego?

Are we trying to develop young athletes, or are we trying to prove that we are the smartest coach on the sideline?

Do we care more about whether a player gets better, or whether our record looks good?

Those questions matter.

A coach has influence. Young athletes listen to us. They watch how we react when things go wrong. They notice whether we blame others or take responsibility. They learn from how we treat officials, opponents, parents, and our own players.

Every practice and every game is an opportunity to teach something.

My belief has always been that good coaching should develop both better athletes and better people.

If we only accomplish one of those things, we have left something important unfinished.

Parents: Make Sure the Dream Belongs to Your Child

Parents also have an enormous influence on whether youth sports becomes a positive experience or a source of pressure and burnout.

Not every young athlete is going to play Division I.

Not every player is going to receive a college scholarship.

And that is okay.

The value of youth sports should never be limited to what a child can eventually get from it.

The better questions are:

Are they having fun?

Are they becoming more confident?

Are they learning how to work through adversity?

Are they making friends?

Are they learning responsibility?

Are they becoming more resilient?

And perhaps the most important question of all:

Does the child actually want to play?

Not the parent.

The child.

That distinction can be difficult, especially when parents have invested significant time, money, and emotion into a sport.

But the game has to belong to the athlete.

My Rules for Getting Youth Sports Right

I do not pretend to have all the answers. I have coached lacrosse for almost three decades, and one of my biggest challenges is still trying to get youth sports right—both as a coach and as a parent.

But I believe there are some principles worth returning to.

1. Make Sure the Kid Wants to Play

Encourage them. Support them. Give them opportunities.

But do not force your dream onto them.

2. If You Travel, Set Constraints

More is not always better.

Families need time together. Kids need downtime. They need to be kids.

Playing every weekend, every season, and chasing every tournament is not automatically development.

3. Do Not Rush Into Single-Sport Specialization

Before high school, kids should have opportunities to explore, play, and develop in different environments.

Different sports develop different skills. More importantly, different experiences help kids figure out what they actually enjoy.

4. Develop Good People, Not Just Good Athletes

This one is non-negotiable for me.

I want to help players become better lacrosse players.

But I also want them to become people who know how to work, compete, communicate, lead, handle adversity, and take responsibility.

Eventually, the lacrosse games end.

The person remains.

Making Youth Sports Better Starts With Us

The reality is that getting youth sports right is not always easy.

The system in America has changed. Youth sports has become increasingly competitive, expensive, specialized, and commercialized. Parents feel pressure to keep up. Coaches feel pressure to win. Kids feel pressure to perform.

Most of us cannot change every structural force driving youth sports.

But we can control how we coach.

We can control how we parent.

We can control the example we set.

For me, it comes back to a few simple things.

Set a good example.

Be about growth.

Be about effort.

Be about resilience.

Be about learning.

Be about competing the right way.

And never forget to make it fun.

The Standard at VB Select Lacrosse

At VB Select Lacrosse, I want our players to compete. I want them to learn how to prepare. I want them to understand that effort matters and that accountability matters.

I want them to experience winning.

I also want them to experience losing.

Because both are teachers.

Winning can teach confidence, preparation, and the power of working together.

Losing can teach humility, resilience, accountability, and how to respond when things do not go your way.

But neither winning nor losing defines the athlete.

What matters is how they respond.

That is why I believe so strongly in the Honey Badger Mindset.

Do not run from challenges.

Do not become afraid of mistakes.

Do not allow one bad play, one bad game, or one difficult season to define you.

Attack the next opportunity.

Learn.

Adjust.

Keep working.

That is bigger than lacrosse.

Remember Who Youth Sports Is For

At the end of the day, youth sports starts and ends with adults.

Coaches set the culture.

Parents set the environment.

Kids respond to both.

So before we complain about the pressure in youth sports, the burnout, the anxiety, or the kids who quit, we should probably start by looking in the mirror.

Are we making the experience better?

Are we helping kids develop?

Are we allowing them to struggle?

Are we giving them room to fail?

Are we teaching them to compete?

Are we helping them become confident and resilient?

Are we remembering to let them have fun?

Because the ultimate goal is not simply to produce better lacrosse players.

The goal is to use lacrosse to help build stronger, more confident, more resilient people.

And if we get that right, the wins will take care of themselves.

Lead Positive.

Source & Attribution

This post was inspired by and expands upon ideas shared by Brad Stulberg in The Way of Excellence, including his reflection on youth sports, burnout, coaching, parenting, and the responsibility adults have to create healthier environments for young athletes.

Source: Brad Stulberg | The Way of Excellence